____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And then he peed in my hair
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