I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
