halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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