This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
