This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
