I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
