I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
