so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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