Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
