her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
