what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
