just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
