sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
