every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
