textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
