I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
