You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
whose parrot is this?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
