I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
