"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
