Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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