Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize