I think im going to throw up on grandma
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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