I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
