and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
