I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
