i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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