I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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