Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
