hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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