Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
sex in a hospital.. check
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
