I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
