It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
