google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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