it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
