tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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