he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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