I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
