WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
