we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i came on her dog
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
