Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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