Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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