They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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