i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
