i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
