I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
