I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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