im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize