I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize