i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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