sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
