How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
