I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
