i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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