i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
