is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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