Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
