hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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