ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
