Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
