need another drink. this is the easiest way
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
