Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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