So drunk its hurt
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
