the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
