youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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