I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't deserve a penis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
