your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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