in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
