Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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