god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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