Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
