She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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