you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
