how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
