Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
